I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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