Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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