i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
