You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
