Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
