He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
