Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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