Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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