Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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