What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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