The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
