At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
