I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
