I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
