I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
