your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
