Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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