It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
