why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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