I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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