She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize