I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
