quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
