put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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