guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
