Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
