guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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