Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
