I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
