Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
