All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
