Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
