I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize