If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
