Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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