if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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