ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
