he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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