This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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