just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
