hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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