so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
