i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
