His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
