Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize