Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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