Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
