It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
