Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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