Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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