i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
