did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
