i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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