Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
