I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
