I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm like, not good at living.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
