thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
