i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
