Umm I'm too high to move.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
