i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
