oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
