hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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