It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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