Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
