I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
