Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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