3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
