In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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