I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
