Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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